We had our vendor fair yesterday and raised a lot of money for our adoption. We raised $2000 more than we had hoped for. It was an awesome day filled with family and friends (new and old). The support we have received on this journey has been just overwhelming. Granted we still have friends and family members who don't agree with the whole fundraising thing but 90% of the people around us have been incredible. We are so very grateful for all of them.
One thing that occured to me yesterday is that this baby is already so loved and none of us even knows him or her yet. If love alone could bring this child to our door we would be blessed 10 times over. Somebody said to me yesterday, "You know, this baby will be all of ours." And they are right.
My child, I pray for you and your birthom and I love both of you with everything I have. Please come home to us soon.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
Update on our journey
Since our last post a lot has happened. I must say my head hasn't stopped spinning since this whole journey started. Our application was accepted at the end of January. We have already had our two in office meetings and have our home visit scheduled. As things stand we should be listed by the end of May. Who knew it would go that fast?!
We are doing a vendor fair to raise some money for our adoption so I have had to add that stress on top of the rest. But that is okay. It will all be worth it in the end.
I am starting to feel hope again. Hope that we will have a family of our own. I feel a sense of calm that I did not expect. The fear is gone, the constant doubt, the emptiness, it has all gone away. I can almost feel our child within reach. I dream of that child and wish the time for us to meet was already here.
I pray for the birthmom that picks us. I have not met her yet but I know she is an awesome person. She has to be to love her baby enough to do this. She will be my hero for ever and always. I pray that I am worthy of her sacrifice, that I live up to her expectations and that someday she will look upon me and feel no regrets in her decision.
We are doing a vendor fair to raise some money for our adoption so I have had to add that stress on top of the rest. But that is okay. It will all be worth it in the end.
I am starting to feel hope again. Hope that we will have a family of our own. I feel a sense of calm that I did not expect. The fear is gone, the constant doubt, the emptiness, it has all gone away. I can almost feel our child within reach. I dream of that child and wish the time for us to meet was already here.
I pray for the birthmom that picks us. I have not met her yet but I know she is an awesome person. She has to be to love her baby enough to do this. She will be my hero for ever and always. I pray that I am worthy of her sacrifice, that I live up to her expectations and that someday she will look upon me and feel no regrets in her decision.
Friday, January 7, 2011
The day has come!!
Well, it has finally happened. We got our link for our formal application for adoption. I do have to say that filling that thing out is kind of an eye opener. It definitely brings your finances into perspecitve. If we don't get accepted it will probably be for that reason. I am praying that is not the case. I hope they will discuss things with us before they make any decisions. Circumstances are different than our finances show. Oh well, it will be what it is supposed to. Please pray for us.
We have started down this road we have chosen. What will happen for us? Will it be a smooth, straight road? Will it be curvy, with many forks and bumps along the way? Will it lead us someplace different than we thought we were going? Time will tell. May the journey begin!
We have started down this road we have chosen. What will happen for us? Will it be a smooth, straight road? Will it be curvy, with many forks and bumps along the way? Will it lead us someplace different than we thought we were going? Time will tell. May the journey begin!
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Waiting........
I just wanted to update and say there is no update. We have not heard anything from our adoption agency. I thought that with the holidays here the wait wouln't bother me. Well, I have to tell you this is the longest December in all of history. I want to get this whole thing started. COME ON JANUARY!!!!!
Monday, November 1, 2010
The journey has started
Well, I guess the title is not entirely true. Our journey really started 10 years ago when we first started dating. From the very beginning, we talked about having a family together. Once we started dating there really was no question that we would always be together and a family was what we both wanted.
We started dating in July and by August I knew I would marry that man some day. Joe's Grandma was dying at that time and when I saw how he was with her I knew he would be a man of strength and respect. I haven't been wrong since. In November of that same year Joe had to have surgery and at the time we were told he would have trouble conceiving. It was a scary time but we thought we would just need a little extra help when the time came. In January we bought a house together. In March, Joe made it official by asking me to marry him. We were married 1 1/2 years later.
We tried to get pregnant right away but with no luck. In 2005 we decided to start fertility treatments to help things along. Unfortunately the problem was not just Joe but me as well. We tried an IVF treatment but it did not go well. My body reacted drastically to the hormones placed inside of me. It was a very painful time and messed up my body worse than I could have imagined. Needless to say it was not successful and very expensive. Because of what it did to my body we have had many medical bills since.
In 2007, we were approached by a young girl that wanted to consider us as prospective parents for her unborn child. If only I had known then what I know now things might have gone better for all of us. She was a wonderful girl who didn't really want to make the decisions she did but knew she was way too young to give that child the life she deserved. She loved her baby enough to find parents who could give her a life she needed and deserved. However, at that time an open adoption scared me to death. This girl wanted us to give her full access to this baby. Full access. How would I be able to deal with that? What would it mean? How could I bond with this baby if her birth mom was always there? I apologize to this teenager, who was just scared and just as clueless as I was. If I had any idea what that meant I would have embraced you both and kept you both close to my heart. Instead we walked away. I thought my heart was going to break. I was sure that was the end of my family dreams.
In 2008 Joe and I talked of adopting through an agency. Actually the idea of adoption usually comes up every time we have a baby born in our families, we have friends who have a child, we see a movie, etc. You get the picture. Unfortunately, adoption is so incredibly expensive and our finances are not good. We didn't think it was an option for us. Then we tried Foster care adoption as that is a lot less expensive. But we didn't think our busy lifestyles would be ideal for a child in foster care. These children need stability and schedules. We at that time could not provide either.
I look back at my posts in 2009 and realize how defeated I sounded. I am 5 years older than my husband and I was feeling that clock ticking much faster than he was. He though we should wait until things improved. Last year I took a huge pay cut and we got behind on many bills. Things seemed to snowball and I saw our chances of adopting and having a family of our own slipping through my fingers. And that is when it happened. I was 38 years old. I was done wishing for things that were not meant to be. I felt our latest money problems were God's way of telling us to move on and give up on a dream that wasn't going to happen anyway. I decided I was done. I was going to find something else to fill my life with. I would just have to find my way some other way. Don't get me wrong. I was angry. Angry at God for not helping us, angry at my husband for not fixing our money problems, angry at our families for pressuring us to do what we weren't capable of doing.
Then this year, as we celebrated our 8 years of marriage, my husband talked to his mom. When she asked why we were not pursuing adoption he told her the truth. She said she would make it happen. Joe came home to me and said, "We are adopting." That's it, just like that. Well let me tell you, I wasn't ready for that. I had made my peace with our situation. I was going on 39 years old and the thought of just starting with a family scared the hell out of me. You see, Joe had hit that point I was at 5 years ago. His clock started ticking quite fast. Our friends just adopted a boy and were on their second adoption. An open adoption didn't scare him so bad this time. After a little time to catch my breath, I decided maybe I could still be a decent mother. My health was improving, and I felt better than I had since before our IVF. What was age anyway? Joe was still young enough to do the running if I couldn't, right. So a few days after our anniversary, I said YES.
And things have snowballed from there. Our families have gone on a fundraising mission to get us the money. My parents have told us they will sign whatever they need to to get us through the finance part of our home study. My work has prayed and given money. Our friends have said they would help us get our house in order. We had our informational meeting. We have raised over $3,000 to date. Now we are just waiting for the link to our formal application. That should come in January.
Boy does life have a way of changing in a heartbeat. God does things on his own time there is no doubt. But once you stop pushing and start accepting, you realize it is your time as well. I await our child, I dream of the day we will meet for the first time, and I smile knowing that this time will be different.
We started dating in July and by August I knew I would marry that man some day. Joe's Grandma was dying at that time and when I saw how he was with her I knew he would be a man of strength and respect. I haven't been wrong since. In November of that same year Joe had to have surgery and at the time we were told he would have trouble conceiving. It was a scary time but we thought we would just need a little extra help when the time came. In January we bought a house together. In March, Joe made it official by asking me to marry him. We were married 1 1/2 years later.
We tried to get pregnant right away but with no luck. In 2005 we decided to start fertility treatments to help things along. Unfortunately the problem was not just Joe but me as well. We tried an IVF treatment but it did not go well. My body reacted drastically to the hormones placed inside of me. It was a very painful time and messed up my body worse than I could have imagined. Needless to say it was not successful and very expensive. Because of what it did to my body we have had many medical bills since.
In 2007, we were approached by a young girl that wanted to consider us as prospective parents for her unborn child. If only I had known then what I know now things might have gone better for all of us. She was a wonderful girl who didn't really want to make the decisions she did but knew she was way too young to give that child the life she deserved. She loved her baby enough to find parents who could give her a life she needed and deserved. However, at that time an open adoption scared me to death. This girl wanted us to give her full access to this baby. Full access. How would I be able to deal with that? What would it mean? How could I bond with this baby if her birth mom was always there? I apologize to this teenager, who was just scared and just as clueless as I was. If I had any idea what that meant I would have embraced you both and kept you both close to my heart. Instead we walked away. I thought my heart was going to break. I was sure that was the end of my family dreams.
In 2008 Joe and I talked of adopting through an agency. Actually the idea of adoption usually comes up every time we have a baby born in our families, we have friends who have a child, we see a movie, etc. You get the picture. Unfortunately, adoption is so incredibly expensive and our finances are not good. We didn't think it was an option for us. Then we tried Foster care adoption as that is a lot less expensive. But we didn't think our busy lifestyles would be ideal for a child in foster care. These children need stability and schedules. We at that time could not provide either.
I look back at my posts in 2009 and realize how defeated I sounded. I am 5 years older than my husband and I was feeling that clock ticking much faster than he was. He though we should wait until things improved. Last year I took a huge pay cut and we got behind on many bills. Things seemed to snowball and I saw our chances of adopting and having a family of our own slipping through my fingers. And that is when it happened. I was 38 years old. I was done wishing for things that were not meant to be. I felt our latest money problems were God's way of telling us to move on and give up on a dream that wasn't going to happen anyway. I decided I was done. I was going to find something else to fill my life with. I would just have to find my way some other way. Don't get me wrong. I was angry. Angry at God for not helping us, angry at my husband for not fixing our money problems, angry at our families for pressuring us to do what we weren't capable of doing.
Then this year, as we celebrated our 8 years of marriage, my husband talked to his mom. When she asked why we were not pursuing adoption he told her the truth. She said she would make it happen. Joe came home to me and said, "We are adopting." That's it, just like that. Well let me tell you, I wasn't ready for that. I had made my peace with our situation. I was going on 39 years old and the thought of just starting with a family scared the hell out of me. You see, Joe had hit that point I was at 5 years ago. His clock started ticking quite fast. Our friends just adopted a boy and were on their second adoption. An open adoption didn't scare him so bad this time. After a little time to catch my breath, I decided maybe I could still be a decent mother. My health was improving, and I felt better than I had since before our IVF. What was age anyway? Joe was still young enough to do the running if I couldn't, right. So a few days after our anniversary, I said YES.
And things have snowballed from there. Our families have gone on a fundraising mission to get us the money. My parents have told us they will sign whatever they need to to get us through the finance part of our home study. My work has prayed and given money. Our friends have said they would help us get our house in order. We had our informational meeting. We have raised over $3,000 to date. Now we are just waiting for the link to our formal application. That should come in January.
Boy does life have a way of changing in a heartbeat. God does things on his own time there is no doubt. But once you stop pushing and start accepting, you realize it is your time as well. I await our child, I dream of the day we will meet for the first time, and I smile knowing that this time will be different.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Happiness.
Well, I have not knitted in a week. I have lots of projects going but I just haven't been motivated. This past weekend was very busy so that is my excuse. :-)
The weekend was great though. We went to a Milwaukee Brewers game on Saturday and they actually won. My dad got a signed ball from Bob Uecker. He thought that was the greatest thing. On Sunday we had our parish picnic and spent the day with friends. Very nice day.
On a not so happy note, my hubby left for a work trip for two weeks. :-( The good part of this is that we will be able to continue with our acupuncture treatments for our fertility issues when he gets home. Plus, we will have the money to finish our basement. We were hit by the floods in June of 2008 and have not had the money to remodel until now.
With him being gone, I will get lots of knitting done and hopefully lots of cleaning too. I will post pictures tonight of the game and my latest projects.
The weekend was great though. We went to a Milwaukee Brewers game on Saturday and they actually won. My dad got a signed ball from Bob Uecker. He thought that was the greatest thing. On Sunday we had our parish picnic and spent the day with friends. Very nice day.
On a not so happy note, my hubby left for a work trip for two weeks. :-( The good part of this is that we will be able to continue with our acupuncture treatments for our fertility issues when he gets home. Plus, we will have the money to finish our basement. We were hit by the floods in June of 2008 and have not had the money to remodel until now.
With him being gone, I will get lots of knitting done and hopefully lots of cleaning too. I will post pictures tonight of the game and my latest projects.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
When it rains, it pours!
Well, my computer at home crashed this morning. I have lost all my pictures and everything else. I know, I know. I should have backed it up. I sent the hubby to get a new computer today. Add this to the list of things I can't afford.
On a plus note, my friends are adopting a baby and he was born yesterday. Baby Evan is here! We are going to see him tonight. I have to finish knitting is blanket on the way there. She took a picture of him wearing the flame hat I knitted last week. I will post it as soon as I get a copy.
I am lining my knitting projects up for the next two weeks as my DH is leaving for work for that long. 16 days of uninterrupted knitting, although I suppose I will have to clean the house sometime in there. Too bad I couldn't have taken a couple days off of work and really enjoyed the alone time. I will miss him though. Our house seems huge when he isn't there.
Gotta go. Parent orientation is starting and I have to tell them not to forget to pay their bills.
Have a great day!!!
On a plus note, my friends are adopting a baby and he was born yesterday. Baby Evan is here! We are going to see him tonight. I have to finish knitting is blanket on the way there. She took a picture of him wearing the flame hat I knitted last week. I will post it as soon as I get a copy.
I am lining my knitting projects up for the next two weeks as my DH is leaving for work for that long. 16 days of uninterrupted knitting, although I suppose I will have to clean the house sometime in there. Too bad I couldn't have taken a couple days off of work and really enjoyed the alone time. I will miss him though. Our house seems huge when he isn't there.
Gotta go. Parent orientation is starting and I have to tell them not to forget to pay their bills.
Have a great day!!!
Monday, August 10, 2009
When is it my turn?!
I know this is my first post but I am in a sad mood today. My DH and I have been trying to do acupuncture to have a child. The trying to have a baby thing has been going on for 7 years now. Anyway, as usual we don't have money to continue with the process. I'm tired. Tired of trying to figure it all out, tired of trying to find the money, tired of trying to meet the needs of everyday life. I see these mothers doing drugs while they are pregnant, seeing kids used as pawns for adults to get what they want, 14 year olds getting pregnant with ease. When is it my turn?! When does it get easy for me? When do I get to be happy without struggling. I'm tired. I'm cranky.
Next question, I have to ask myself. How do I fix it?
Talk to you tomorrow.
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